Over the past couple of years, the 'professionals' of the film industry have been struggling to produce original movie ideas. "Oh deary me!" I hear you say. "So tell us, what ever could be their chosen solution to this madness?"
Well, I think you should see this for yourself so I've taken the liberty of posting up some examples.
Enjoy!
Riddick-ulous.
So, let us begin. This is the first example I would like to show you all. Please, examine this first poster carefully.
Notice this; it is seemingly normal for a comedy movie poster. Two well known male actors positioned in the foreground and possessing reasonably happy expressions and two more or less unknown female actors positioned so far back that you could barely recognise them even if they had noticeable careers. Oh I do love the dynamics of the American film industry...
Now take a look at this one...
Oh look! Contrasting photographs! What a surprise! Personally I see this as the black man's response to the aforementioned film, "The Promotion".
The differences are even so spectacular that they circle around and become similarities. Think about it; on the one hand, we have two happy white guys wearing black suits with two white women in the background. On the other; two black men - one rather angry at the other - wearing white suits with no women in the background. Okay, so I don't know what there being no women in the background of this second poster has to do with anything but I'm just going to assume it's yet another way for Western society to continue treading on the dreams of African-Americans.
"No, Mr. black man! You certainly cannot have any of our women gosh darn it! Now please leave my property before you spread your evil, fun loving ways to my white, Anglo-Saxon family!"
Oki-day kiddies! Time for example number two! Take a look...
Once again, we have a perfectly reasonable and rather snazzy idea for a movie poster. It draws you in and makes you want to know what the movie is really about. Besides, cracked glass just looks awesome.
And here's our second contestant...
Okay, so really? Did they run out of ideas that quickly? These films were released in the same fucking year! How unimaginative must the minds of the film industry have to be to go ahead and release two completely different films belonging to two completely different genres with two completely different ratings and land on the exact same idea for a movie cover? It's just fucking uncanny! The actor seen middle-left even looks like Andy Garcia!
All this really does is convince me every director, producer and writer in Hollywood is secretly a pre-pubescent school girl and they all call each other before they go into final production to make sure they've designed the same poster so that they'll look cool when they both get released in the same year and all the other girls will be jealous.
And so we come to our third and final example for this post. This one isn't necessarily a comparison of two movie posters; more just a result of my boredom and something I thought would be funny. Okay, here's the first one...
First, let me just say that this is by far one of the most disgusting things I have ever witnessed. I actually sat and watched a baby monster skull fuck some lesbian or something - I don't know... She had short hair and seemed to be wearing comfortable shoes - and then proceed to empty its baby "baby-gravy" 6 inches deep in her throat. Ladies, if the thought of this does not make you want to take up celibacy, you have issues. But anyway, that's not the focus of this analysis. I'd like to draw significant attention to the power of language. I just think it's amazing how adding a few extra words or even a couple of extra letters to another word can change its meaning completely. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my take on the sequel to this gruesome horror story...
That's right... I went there.
Just to stray from the beaten path for a moment, I never did understand why you would feel the need to put the same characters on a poster twice. Although I suppose I could just throw this in with my "Western Society is trying to subjugate the black man" theory. After all, it's Greg Kinnear and Radha Mitchell - both white people - and who gets only the single poster appearance? Morgan Freeman, that's who. And shock-horror, he's black!
But more to the point, as seen in the "Feast" poster, the two are almost kissing. Sure, that monster doesn't have lips but should that mean he can't enjoy a good snog now and again. I guess if you were to flip the second poster anti-clockwise, mirror the image and then expand it a bit you would have more or less the same movie poster. Hmmm... Now I'm actually interested to try that. I'll be right back...
Ha! It seems to have worked!
"Look out Radha! It's a ravenous family of Greg Kinnears! They're coming to kill everyone and sexually abuse your mouth!"
I suppose that wouldn't be all that different from what Greg Kinnear usually does to... well... all of his films. It's not that I don't like him. It's just that don't ever want him anywhere near me. There's something naturally sleazy about Mr. Kinnear - like if I was stuck in an elevator with him he would just be throwing me that creepy "I'd like to sex your face" glance every five seconds until I finally asked him if he wanted something then he'd say...
Okay I should probably stifle my next few words. I'm sure you knew where I was about to take it.
And so, dear readers, I hope you enjoyed my first post and I promise you there will be more to come soon!
Yours sincerely,
Riddick-ulous.
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